frustrated incorporated

i am so frustrated by my experience at LICH that I don't even want to talk about it any more, although you know i'm about to talk about it. i have never so wholly been treated like a non-person in every office in an entire organization. partly, because i haven't had to receive "services" or be "in the system" in more than 10 years. i guess i got so used to being a person over the last decade that i find it appalling when i'm not treated like one. still, there are others who have never been treated like a person in their entire life because they have always been "in the system." that makes me sad and angry.

the system sucks.
it is supposed to help, but it oppresses.

what i am proud of is that i decided to take action to make a change and not tolerate the shitty health care.

i will no longer be receiving any of my health care through LICH. i had to spend at least 3 hours in a waiting room every time i went to an appointment, and had to go to a different department to see a different doctor for every health service need. my gynecology specimens were lost and had to be retaken (i refused to come in for a THIRD appointment to get results and insisted they call me with results). i was repeatedly told to take Tylenol by different doctors (Tylenol only MASKS pain and does nothing for the inflammation which causes the pain i have), and when i asked for a referral for therapy for coping with all that was going on, my doctor seemed reluctant and surprised. i didn't even feel like i could ask for other referrals.

my luck with the LICH psychiatry department was just as poor... (i don't need a psychiatrist - i don't need medication, i need a social work therapist - i need to be heard and asked powerful questions!) The LICH psych nurse totally pushed medication (i know it's her job, but that wasn't why i was there!) and the therapist did not treat me as a whole person, seemed to work really hard at keeping my stuff at the surface level (rather than helping me go deeper), and then kept asking what my goals in therapy were. uh, we've covered that... im in crisis! help me cope with a chronic health condition. help me cope with being treated like a non-person in a system that is supposed to be helping me. help me heal my emotional wounds so that i can have healthy relationships with more than one person at a time!

really, she only needed to competently do one thing - listen. she failed. i think my poverty made this therapist uncomfy. i think she couldn't hold my fear and anxiety. i think it doesn't matter because i won't be seeing her again.

i stand firmly by my belief that therapy should not cause a person to leave more distressed than they came in. same goes for routine medical care.

Solutions:

i called a therapy clinic in Manhattan that my friends in social work school keep raving about as phenomenal... turns out the place takes Medicaid... and on the phone they treated me like a real person. so far, so good. next week, i'll call back to make an intake appointment.

i also called Medicaid and switched my primary doctor to someone at the clinic i went to last year (pre-Medicaid). i had some pretty thorough care at that clinic and felt like i was taken seriously and treated like a whole person (except, ironically, by the social work intern who helped me get on Medicaid). in fact, the doctors had actually involved me in my health care, asking me what i thought was going on and what i wanted in my care. they didn't try to push medication of any kind (although it was offered when required/needed), and even suggested "alternatives" - licorice tea for my sore throat at the time, art expression (for depression/coping with stress), physical therapy (for my hip). i truly appreciated the experience i had there.

i should have just gone back to this clinic in the first place. but the doctor i saw was a resident and wasn't there any longer... and i was worried if i got sick i wouldn't be able to make it there easily, and i needed to know i could get there easily. i also assumed i'd get just as good of care at any clinic that took Medicaid. i was wrong.

all care is not equal.