pre-recital

so, i started learning violin last August. i love it! it's so much fun, and im not half bad :)

today at noon-ish, me and my classmates (total of 3 violinists, 4 cellists, and 1 bassist) are performing two songs we've been working on for 3 months. it's kind of a practice recital... our actual recital is the 21st.

our audience will likely be our instructor and maybe 4 other people (half of whom are probably also performing). nonetheless, i am excited!

interesting thing... when i practice at home or in the practice rooms on campus i do quite well. sounds good, hit all the right notes, read the music well enough.

yet, in class when we play as a group i seem to blank on just about all of it. i can't read music, i don't know how the song goes, my fingers forget where notes are. WEIRD. i must look like i haven't practiced.

this guy i know in ceramics says that kind of thing happens to him when he plays guitar with a bunch of folks. overstimulation, he says. i can see that. there are so many sounds, im trying to make sure my timing is right, watch my bowing, and such.

anyway, if you're in town this afternoon, come watch me forget how to play violin :)

brief episodes of vasospasm

previously on faerie moon... initial blood screenings came back indicating Lupus and Raynaud's (a vascular disease). further blood was drawn and we were waiting for the medical establishment to let us know the lowdown.

********

doc called this week. with the recent barrage of tests, only one came back positive (mRNA). doc consulted a rheumatologist, and they told him that unless my liver is having problems (which it apparently isn't), a positive mRNA is meaningless, thus i have Raynaud's Disease (aka primary Raynaud's).

this means there is no underlying cause (such as an autoimmune disease, etc.) however, there is no cure for Raynaud's, so please do not ask me to get you some ice cream from the freezer... you'll have to get it yourself.

you're smart, so you probably inferred that i do not have Lupus. there is still a 1 in 20 chance i will develop Lupus or another such disease (according to doc).

treatment: i'm supposed to avoid cold and stress.
um.... that's what i've been trying to do for years! another valid reason to move to mexico, and be spoon fed ice cream :)

back to the mRNA thingy...
for some reason im having some difficulty believing a positive mRNA (or whatever the test was) doesn't have significance or some kind of meaning. if it was unimportant/meaningless they wouldn't test for it, right? there must be SOME meaning. it must mean SOMETHING. even if it just means "your RNA says 'hello' and wishes you'd take a vacation" or "you eat too much bread and have allergies to flies" (which i just made up, so if you're trying to find out what your positive mRNA test means, thats not it!)

and the interweb is no help in finding the mRNA meaning. so, when i get to NYC (which is where im moving this summer), i'll have to get in touch with local medical researchers and such to find out if anyone can tell me. i have two weird fears...

1. our rural docs are idiots,
2. they know i dont have medical insurance and whatever is wrong is in pretty early stages and non-fatal so they aren't telling me i have something so that i'm not denied health insurance.

but that's just a tiny paranoid part of my brain that wonders such things. the rest of my brain is saying... "now, where do i get a cute pair of oven mitts to wear when i eat ice cream?" etsy? ... i see a business opportunity for someone...