leaf rubs

DB and i went leaf hunting today and then brought our pretty leaves back to my place for an artistic afternoon of leaf rubbing.

DB definitely made the coolest picture with his. my picts turned out awesome too. i can think of sooo many things to do with leaves now, which is excellent b/c its fall and there are lots of leaves just waiting to become art.

vampires go home

outside of this skyscraper office building sat a bloodmobile. a 12 foot RV-looking thing with windows and a side door.

mhm, thats what it was and thats what it had neatly printed across the side in times new roman font. Bloodmobile.

now, i dont know about you, but im not about to step foot in any vehicle called "blood"-anything b/c i know that the second i cross that threshold, someone is going to jab me with a needle and suck my viens dry before i even have a chance to say "im just browsing".

and what kind of marketing is that - calling your blood donation vehicle the "bloodmobile". its nothing like a bookmobile whose main function is to drive to outlying towns and neighborhoods, loaning books to folks without access to a public library.

does the bloodmobile drive around the outlying towns and neighborhoods, loaning blood to folks who cant make it to the hospital? oh, fine... collecting blood from folks who cant make it to the red cross for the ongoing blood drive?

and who in their right mind gives blood at 8 o'clock in the morning in a painted up RV outside their office in the middle of the city. the only person in this scenario i can imagine wanting to have a needle stuck in their arm first thing in the morning is a heroin addict. and im not so sure the bloodmobile wants their blood.

i shuddered as i passed by, hoping that they wouldnt be stopping at my office next, envisioning the sign id be posting on my door - "there's no blood here.

in which amy admits her fragility

i hate getting in trouble. for one thing, i hate messing up or doing something that upsets or bothers another person. i value other people's boundaries and space and my own near perfection [yes, in case you missed it, im perfect, hehe].

for another thing, ive never done well with being confronted about messing up or bothering someone. although there are ways in which a person can confront me that are less frightening than others. having a stern or deep voice, just as part of ones natural voiceness, is not one of these. high pitched, googly, babytalk is definately prefered.

if my error is something im sure is completely right and good, when confronted i tend to get the proverbial "dear in headlights" look. its the "oh shit, i didnt see this coming" face we all recognize from the poor animal who in the midst of crossing the street - which used to be wooded area - searching for food or mommy or lovin', sees bright lights up ahead and in a complete and total panic... freezes.

now, if i was already questioning whatever it is i did or am doing, my response is likely to be either:


* completely devoid of emotion... due to my brain acting somewhat like a computer searching all possible alphanumeric combinations for the right 15 character password which will prove my innocence by explaining my thinking or allow me to admit my stupidity with minimal disruption to my ego;

* or i may actually become slightly aggitated or defensive and glare at my accuser in irritation, hoping to frighten them into rethinking their strategy, thereby causing them to believe i am not a yummy morsel but instead a deadly poisonous animal who has brilliantly caught them for dinner.


of course, both of these responses are in an attempt to keep from bursting into tears.

hey, im a fragile little cancerian crab - dont let the rock hard exterior fool you... the inside is full of mushy goodness.

a red sox moment

a red sox moment is when you're ahead and then all of a sudden you're way behind, but then you fight to the death and win.

-Amy L. Burns

in which amy discovers the challenges of not living with her best friend

there is no one to tell me if i look like a complete idiot in this shirt.

or if these shoes look okay with my outfit.

there is no one to apply an appropriate amount of lotion to my back and shoulders.

or tell me if my eyebrows are even or too dark.

there is no one to get morning coffee with accross the street... and sadly there is no longer a DD accross the street at which to get coffee.

or laze around with discussing the various breakfast options and whether or not to shower first or just slap on a cap and go.

there is no one to split the chores or the cost of a giant bag of toilet paper or paper towels.

or to buy extra for when planning to cook.

there is no one to scratch that spot in the middle of my back - the spot that no matter how i contort my arms, i just cant reach.

or to remind me to brush and floss, which i never need reminding of anyway, but which at least someone cares enough to remind.

there is no one to ponder the origins of the word "remind"... re - mind... re = to do again. mind = your mind, brain, memory.

or to look at me funny and say "mhm, interesting" when really im the only one fascinated by my discovery of where "remind" comes from.

and there is no one with which to recount the days activities.

or to say good night to before bed.

the titanic

on a yacht or ship and its moseying around the bay [who knows which bay]. next thing i know, one end is diving and im thinking "we're sinking".

my ship was sinking.

i looked around, thinking about what i know about sinking vehicles and escaping and air and drowning.

damn, i know far more than i should about this death by water thing.

i notice the ship has windows, all of which are closed. this is a good thing since it means we will have a nice pocket of air inside for a while.

there are a couple doors, but are they close enough for me reach before the floor becomes a wall and water engulfs us and the pressure prevents them from opening?

i remember what i learned about escaping from submerged cars... let the water in slowly so you arent pummeled to the bottom by the current, and keep your head above the water until you can roll the window down and swim out. but we cant roll the windows down on the ship... we must wait and hope the water enters slowly.

top 5s as requested by db

movies
1. amelie

2. titus

3. y tu mama tambien

4. fire

5. garden state


animals
1. cats (i have one that lives w/ my ex-gf)

2. betta fish (i have one named King Gough)

3. mice or rats (i used to have these as pets)

4. unicorns (they are too real)

5. snakes and reptiles


pasta dishes
1. spaghetti marinara (no meat, just spaghetti noodles or angelhair and sauce)

2. linguini in clam sauce

3. fetichini alfredo

4. pasta primavera

5. anything with garlic or angelhair

national coming out day

omg, 9 years ago today i came out to my entire family, via personally created "National Coming Out Day" announcements. just like graduation announcements, only a completely different announcement.

i remember choosing to drop them into a blue mail box, you know, the kind that once you let go there is no way in hell you are getting your letter back from the box? i wanted to make sure i couldnt change my mind. it worked.

if i had it to do over again... id register for gifts and include that info in the announcement.

im gay! buy me shit!

drowning in books

moving is hell when you live in the city and are moving via folding shopping cart and mostly own books... hundreds and hundreds of books. books you never read and that just accumulate dust and take up space.

you should know that i actually owned a lot of these books before i ever came here. i shipped these fckrs across the country so i could have them here, and presumably read them. yeah, right. you should also know that i bought a lot of these books while working at Barnes and Noble (never let a book addict work at a book store), a heafty bit of them from Amazon.com, and a chunk of them from Brookline Booksmith or Trident.

anyway, now that ive moved most of my books, im sorting through them, making piles. ive got all kinds of piles. in fact, i have more than a dozen piles, and i dont even have all of my books here yet. there are hundreds more at my old place just waiting for me to rescue them from a life of dust and darkness.

pile 1: gay books. non-fiction. most have been browsed but several have not been read. why? b/c ever time i try to read one i get deathly bored. i already know what its like to be gay and i really dont give a shit if jesus was screwing mary magdalen or one of his disciples. his body, his life, his business, not mine. and im already out, im not ashamed of who i am, and frankly the people who write "our history" do so with all the furvor and passion of a high school history book. its dry and boring. wow... i didnt realize i felt this way. good thing im exploring it, here with you, now.

piles 2, 3, 4 & 5: feminist books. non-fiction. several used in various womens studies courses 7+ years ago. some purchased with the intention of reading. some browsed, fingered, or at least glanced at. same deal as the gay books... i just get bored reading this stuff... mostly b/c im already so familiar with the ideas and information presented that i can hardly stand to swallow one more sentence. so why keep them??? well, what if i need them? what if someone asks me something and i need to research this question and need one of my books??? um, hello?!!? that is easily the stupidest reason ever. first of all, when was the last time someone asked me something about feminism or womens history or wages in the early 20th century? no one will ask me anything i cant just answer myself or find online.

piles 6,7 & 8: books on/about/by americans of various racial and ethnic backgrounds. non-fiction. some used in courses 7 years ago, but many purchased with the intention of keeping up on racial/ethnic/class theory and authors. yes, for some reason i feel like having a degree in this field means im required to keep up on who/what/when/where/how/why. again, its not happening. so, why keep buying these books? why not let go? two things... (1) i like to have awesome books like this in case someone wants to borrow them. but im not a library and we have a big one around the corner! (2) i just cant seem to let to of a book until ive read it. it seems more of a waste if i bought it and never read it than if i at least read it or skim it carefully first. thats the plan.

pile 9: sociology. obviously non-fiction. obviously i thought i would read these. i havent. see above for explanations.

pile 10: regarding teaching, social change, inequality, prison, teenagers and the like. non-fiction. did i ever tell you i was going to be a teacher? i was. in fact, besides being a nurse, astronaught, rock star, actress, nun, accountant and fashion designer, i was planning to be a math teacher. why? need you ask? clearly, if kids just had a "good" math teacher, someone who loved math as much as i do, and who could just show them how amazing and interesting math is, they'd love math too. well, in college, i found out you had to take calculus to be a math teacher. screw that. its not that i couldnt do calculus. i simply had (and still have) no interest whatsoever in learning it. im sure its quite fascinating and perplexing and amazing. but, i dont care. so, i decided i would be an english teacher instead. then i discovered womens studies and racial/ethnic studies and put the teaching thing on the back burner. later i decided to finally go to graduate school to get a masters in teaching... to teach... history. it wasnt exactly that simplistic. the idea was actually that knowledge is power and that access to good and accurate information and learning to think critical is the essence of social change and empowerment. that was my personal experience anyway. and i wanted to teach in prisons. women's prisons, juvinile detention centers, and even men's prisons. i believe many people who become involved in crime are acting out of a feeling of helplessness, anger at society, and self-hatred. if those folks can find a sense of power within and can put words to the oppression they feel, they can choose to redirect their feelings toward positive actions and social change. i still believe this, but i also believe that there is another way i can be this teacher without being at the front of a classroom talking about George Washington or Ronald Reagan. hence becoming a life coach.

piles 11, 12, 13 & 14: psychology and self-discovery books. i love this stuff. but sometimes it gets boring when people just keep saying what has already been said before. plus, i can use this stuff in my coaching. and i use it in my daily life. in fact, im using it to help me let go of books i dont need/use/want... learning to let go is important.

pile 15: books for my sister. this is a conservative pile since i know she's only in the 8th grade. here we have such classics as: Becoming American, Becoming Ethnic (about american identity, race, ethnicity, immigration); Race Class & Gender (historical and contemporary essays, poems, history, etc. with some quality Q&A after each piece); Animal Rights and Human Morality; Debating Sexual Correctness (different perspecitives on womens issues); and Real Gorgeous (funny and practical book about women and beauty).

pile 16: books for KDK. i havent told her i have a pile of books for her. its a small pile. she may not want them. but i thought to myself "self, maybe KDK would find these useful... or not."

pile 17: books for release as part of my profile at BookCrossing.com. i plan to release them at various local cafe's. and as i read the books in my various piles, i will add them to this list and release them too. it seems like a brilliant way to make information available to people and clear out the clutter ive managed to accumulate over the years. let go, let go, let go.

note: fiction is already put away on my book case. they are alphabetized by author and currently only occupy two good sized shelves. there is an additional shelf, however, which holds childrens books, and books on myths, goddesses, legends, etc.

adopted writers unite

as a child i often contemplated how it was i came to be adopted by my wholly irresponsible and disfunctional parents.

it boggled my mind how a 17 year old dropout and 23 year old pothead turned cokehead would be allowed by the state to adopt a perfectly healthy and adorable baby such as myself.

what insane bible-thumping Christians made it necessary for my biological parents to decide that my adoptive parents were acceptable enough. and who on earth would go through so much trouble to fabricate a birth certificate that indicated the biological connection between me and these completely unqualified people?

no, it just didnt make sense. clearly, i was abducted from my real family or found in a basket on the doorstep of my adoptive mother one day. i was far to smart to belong to these irresponsible children, and they were far too irresponsible and dysfunctional to have been allowed to adopt me.

it turns out im not the only one with such childhood ponderings. Augusten Buroughs and David Sedaris are two excellent examples of writers with perfectly bizzarre and abusive upbringings who were also absolutely convinced, as children, they must be adopted or have been kidnapped.

do all children of dysfunctional families find themselves wondering if they were adopted? are such pondersings limited to us, or do children of functional families ponder such things as well?

death of a squirrel

there he was, on his side, as if he'd been standing just like that, little hands under his chin while he looked about, when suddenly out jumped a squirrel-tipper.

thats what i imagine happened to him for me to find him this way at 9am.

what else could it have been? i mean, clearly he wasn't mauled by another park animal. he was fully intact, like he just fell over... dead.

was the is the work of a secret squirrel-tipping society? was it a squirrel-hazing accident? or did he merely freeze to death last night?

whatever it was, i hope it was quick and painless.

belief-o-matic

Even if YOU don't know what faith you are, Belief-O-Matic™ knows. Answer 20 questions about your concept of God, the afterlife, human nature, and more, and Belief-O-Matic™ will tell you what religion (if any) you practice...or ought to consider practicing.

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (97%)
3. New Age (92%)
4. Liberal Quakers (88%)
5. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (86%)
6. Theravada Buddhism (85%)
7. Mahayana Buddhism (84%)
8. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (79%)
9. New Thought (76%)
10. Taoism (72%)
11. Secular Humanism (70%)
12. Scientology (67%)
13. Hinduism (65%)
14. Bahá'í Faith (60%)
15. Jainism (53%)
16. Orthodox Quaker (52%)
17. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (50%)
18. Reform Judaism (49%)
19. Sikhism (48%)
20. Nontheist (41%)
21. Jehovah's Witness (36%)
22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (35%)
23. Seventh Day Adventist (26%)
24. Orthodox Judaism (22%)
25. Eastern Orthodox (15%)
26. Islam (15%)
27. Roman Catholic (15%)